i got's my hair done! i cant tell if i look younger or a little more desperate to look younger! but i think its mighty fabulous! i spent real money on having my hair done! i feel like im in a battle with the poor me and the comfortable me! who spends money to be prettier?! how many other ways could i put the money to use to help others?! is indulging myself setting a bad example for small people dwelling in my house?! which brings to my face! this week ive considered corrective laser surgery for my face! i dont know which part of me is bringing up the idea of having cosmetic surgery done! as a teenager i wouldve done anything to have pretty skin! we couldnt afford a dermatologist - nothing state medical insurance covered worked, so i got used to it! eventually i began to incorporate the scars on my face into my personality! and ive grown to accept their presence, if not always happily - still im aware! ive convinced myself they lend street credibility to me behind the wheel of the four door car i just had to buy! somehow it anchors me to the life of my adolesence - this helps in social work! a constant reminder that im no better than anyone i work with - my face says that ive been there and got out! whihc leads me to survivor guilt! how is it that life is so good to me now?